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Statement of Lisa A. Nkonoki, Co-Founder and Executive Director
Tate George Dreamshot Foundation, Newington, Connecticut
Testimony Before the Subcommittee on Human Resources
of the House Committee on Ways and Means

Hearing on Fatherhood
April 27, 1999

Dads Do Make A Difference is a positive movement with a message. Working with Dads and kids is a transformative, and sometimes eye-opening experience. Most importantly, it?s an opportunity to capture or recapture something we all have in common...a father. One of the ?DDMAD? missions being, to increase the positive interactions of dads and other positive males and kids.

Many of us are blessed to share the experience with a dad, and still far to many of us share a common void, a lifetime scar from the lack of having that father involved in our lives for a variety of reasons. In many cases, nothing will replace or erase the pain, which often times is far too great for many of us to bear. Studies clearly show the positive impact that an involved father has on his children whether they live in the same household or not, when it comes to education and self esteem. However, when this is not an option, we also know through the DDMAD Project, being able to talk about it, and realizing that you are not alone, and sharing other like experiences can be healthy, and hopefully will help us to positively move forward, leaving any negative feelings, or embarrassment behind and finally being at peace with our place, and those who put us here on this planet.

Whether your dad is a doctor, lawyer, singer teacher, janitor, chef, professional athlete, incarcerated or unemployed, they all share one common fact, and that is they are Fathers, and they have children who look like and sometimes act like them. We must dispel the myth that men are only worth the money that can be contributed to the life of that child. I cringe at the thought that my children, or any child, would only value themselves by their net worth, or their fathers contribution, or lack of one. We need to have a reality check on what we are considering of value when it comes to the lives of our children. Rich children and poor children share a common factor and that is they all need time and love. Though money can assist us all, it can not replace the love and effort put forth by any human being, especially our fathers.

One thing we all share is that our existence culminates from two human beings. We all have a story to tell, and DDMAD is listening! Some of our stories are positive, some sad, and some have very little to tell at all. Father?s stories can, and do stir our emotions, either positively or negatively. The truth be told, DDMAD is about advocating for the positive influence that we know fathers can have on our lives and the lives of our children.

Together we can make a difference, and continue the challenge to uplift and empower the males who will undoubtedly leave an impact on our community. It?s up to us to make it a positive experience for all.

As a single mom, I like many of you, struggled to find a happy balance for my children, and despite what I thought might be the perfect situation, it was not always inclusive of their dads, despite all of my efforts. The reactions from my children appeared fine for years, but as evidenced through a variety of sources, including schoolwork, just did not seem to be resolving it no matter how subtle.

After years of stressing about the fact of whether or not dad should be involved, does he even want to be involved, what about the money, or, I?m mad because of this or that from whenever or with whomever, I realized that, as the saying goes, when you have lemons, make lemonade! I realized there and then, that you build on what you have, and considering my children, I consider them to be rare gems to say the least (don?t we all) one of the best ways to further enhance their already beautiful existence is to build upon from which they came. In all fairness it does take two individuals, committed or not, willing or unwilling to create such a jewel. To disregard any portion of that jewel, or to let your child disallow it is to take away from its total strength, breath, and beauty. For this reason alone, I am totally thankful to my children?s dads, not to mention my own dad.

Though my brother and I were abandoned as infants by our biological father, a college professor, strange as it may seem I have grown to appreciate many of his qualities that continue in legacy through me, not to mention that awesome, hard to pronounce last name? Nkonoki!

In some ways, exploring what?s good about your dad through direct contact, or relatives, allows us to further appreciate ourselves, and by dealing with and then letting go of any hurt and or resentment and anger allows many of us (including adults who have yet to heal their inner child) and the lives of their own children to be set free. If you have a dad in your life, don?t profess to know what it feels like to wish to, or not have one in any situation. All we know is that a greater strength must prevail.

Look at the children of President John F. Kennedy, or, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Nothing could replace within these children their need for a father, but I am sure the positive support of their families, and some overall connection helped them endure. Yet they are all considered to carry on the legacy of their father, despite the brief time they spent with him in life. We all have a dad, whether alive, deceased, active or inactive, known or unknown he is in our genes living through us today as we exist.

Remember, kids have no choice as they join pre-established teams, some winning and some bound to lose despite all the best efforts. I don?t know any team that won?t come together at some point, and try to win again.

In this case we all must be team players trying to win on behalf of kids. That includes, schools, churches, community agencies, business, and government along with moms and dads, and most importantly you!

Winning Tips for your Team!

Who We Are

The Tate George Dream Shot Foundation was founded seven years ago by then NBA player and former University of Connecticut basketball great Tate George, along with marketing executive Lisa Nkonoki, at that time a single mom. It is a comprehensive youth development organization designed to meet the needs of area youth and their families. Our main purpose is to nurture and inspire young people to pursue their dreams through the development of leadership skills, intellectual abilities, positive attitudes, and family values.

Some of the programs we have initiated to ensure this goal are: M y M's (Motivating Young Mothers), designed to uplift and empower at risk teens and young, unwed parents; Tate George Basketball Camp Scholarship program for disadvantaged youth; and, most notably, our Dads Do Make A Difference® program which currently sponsors the Dads/Kids Campaign developed by the foundation and adapted by the State of Connecticut Dept. of Social Services.

The support we have received to date has been deeply gratifying. Last year we were visited by Deputy Undersecretary of Education W. Wilson Goode and were favorably assessed as a program for other communities and agencies to follow. Long time supporters include University of Connectcut's head basketball coach Jim Calhoun, who has been a long time supporter, serving as a spokesperson for the Dads and Coaches campaign. Connecticut Gov. John Rowland and Lt. Gov. Jodi Rell have also served as official spokespersons in support of this campaign, with Lt. Gov. Rell going so far as to write to Lt. Gov.'s across the country recommending that they take a look at this program and adapt it to suit their specific needs.

We have also enjoyed tremendous support via endorsements and personal appearances from the likes of Earvin "Magic" Johnson, TV personality Gayle King and Grammy award winning recording artist Brian McKnight and a host of others.

Current Projects

The Dads Do Make A Difference® project is currently involved in developing several new programs. One, the Dads Tool Kit® for new fathers, will be administered in cooperation with area hospitals The other, Dads' Backpack Day One program, is in collaboration with Head Start programs in New Britain, Hartford, and Manchester. In this program, fathers are encouraged to accompany their children on their first day in the program, where they will be presented with a Backpack filled with literature explaining to them the importance of staying involved in their children's education for the long haul.

In addition, we are also set to expand the Dads/Kids and Technology program whose goal is to recruit and train fathers to be able to work with their children to learn and use computer technology, interface with teachers, and assist with homework.

Why Now

Since 1950, the percentage of American children living in fatherless families has climbed from 6 to 24 percent as recently as 1994. These children are five times more likely to be poor and ten times more likely to be extremely poor. They are twice as likely to drop out of high school and significantly more likely to end up in foster or group care and in juvenile facilities. Girls from single parent families are at three times the risk of becoming unwed, teenage mothers. Boys whose fathers are absent have a much higher likelihood of growing up unemployed, incarcerated, and uninvolved with their own children, ultimately perpetuating the same crippling cycle.

However, there is some good news. Major research released as recently as 1997 has shown that fathers who are involved with their children's education in a positive manner have a tremendous impact on offsetting many of these troubling statistics. Daughters are three times less likely to become pregnant as teens and sons are ten times less likely to land in jail. The list goes on from there outlining the tremendous, positive affects that a healthy, nurturing rapport between a father and his child has on the likelihood that that child will grow up to become a constructive, self-sufficient, and well-adjusted member of society.

It is definitely time to sit up and take notice that a father's beneficial impact on the growth, development, and welfare of his child is measurable by far more than simply the size of his paycheck, as significant as that may be. And that is the reason for the drive to initiate this

project, for the time is now to capitalize on the growing awareness among all those who deal with children: clergy, educators, social workers, and other caregivers, that it is high time to foster a tide of reconciliation and return the father to a productive place within the life of his child.

Our Goals

Our goal is to change behavior. By achieving increased levels of positive, satisfactory interaction between participating fathers and their children, as well as increased levels of self-esteem among fathers, measured by their increased ability to set definable goals for themselves and demonstrate the self-initiative to realize them. In addition, it will be assessed by witnessing the level of satisfaction that participating children perceive in interactions with their fathers. These goals will be monitored through self-assessment questionnaires, program surveys and periodic focus groups.

Our Partners

Dads Do Make A Difference® has been cited by the National Center for Children in Poverty as the lead organization for the state of Connecticut in raising awareness about positive fatherhood initiatives since 1996.

DDMAD works closely with Head Start programs in New Britain, Hartford and Manchester and has partnered with the CT Dept. of Social Services to humanistically foster the involvement of fathers with their children via an effective program to advance the needs of this community.

We have also worked with the CT Dept. of Children and Families in helping to train parent and service providers dealing with fathers in encouraging them in being more involved with their children. We were the only organization in Connecticut, and one of the few in the Northeast, to receive a 1997 mini grant for fatherhood initiatives from the Dept of Health and Human Services for our programs.

How will success be defined and measured?

Success will be defined as being able to demonstrate an increased level of satisfaction in the relationships between the participating fathers and their children along with an increased retention of these fathers as part of their families, regardless of whether or not they are in the home. Another key measure of success will be an increase in participating fathers' positive self-initiative to financially participate in the lives of their children, if that has been an issue. In addition, program participants will be tracked over a period of time to assess their ability to maintain these initiatives on their own. Studies can also be initiated comparing the status of the population of children of those who participate in our program with their counterparts in the general population.

Target Population

Although Dads Do Make A Difference® programs welcome participation by all children and their families, the majority of those taking advantage of our services to date have been those from the lower-income, ethnic and urban communities. In addition, the majority of our population is English speaking, with literature made available in Spanish as needed.

Participant Involvement

Upon completion of any of our programs, participants will be asked to submit an evaluation sheet whereby they will be able to make known how the programs suited their needs and met their expectations. They and their families will also be asked to participate in focus groups from time to time. The results of these processes will then be used to assist us in identifying target areas for future growth and development, as well as streamlining any existing, continuing programs.

In addition, program graduates can also be called upon to participate in outreach initiatives through churches, schools, and community centers within their communities, as well as at the Creative Center itself.

Dads Do Make A Difference®

Program Overview

• Father Advocacy and Information -

Dream Sheet Idea/Roadmap Development, education/training, technical assistance, info regarding court appearances, legislation updates, legal rights parameters, new initiatives, paternity determination, child support, job referrals, motivation/goal setting

• Awareness\PR Campaign -

Billboards, collateral pieces, mailings, surveys, focus groups, fact finding initiatives, info share with other groups

• Free scheduled events and activities -

Dads+Kids Night at the Movies, Dads+Kids Night at various sporting events (i.e., CT Wolves, CT Pride), Dads+Kids Night at the NBA, Annual Multicultural Book Fair, Dads+Kids Picnic & Fishing in the Park, Dads+Kids Holiday Feast, Dads+Kids Model Search, Dads+Kids at the Today Show

• Monthly Brainstorming Session for Service Providers -

Opportunity to provide technical assistance, outreach and support for new and existing Dads programs

• Hospital Paternity Initiative -

New Dads Tool Kit, Pre-school Back Pack, Teen Dads Pack, Reunited/Positive Male Pack

• Parenting Skills Training -

"All Star Dads" program teaching successful parenting techniques

• Open Forums for Dads -

Opportunity for Dads to constructively express their feelings and be heard

• Head Start Partnerships (Good Guys) -

Current on-going working relationships with New Britain, Hartford, and Manchester to provide training, outreach, activities, etc.

• Dads Do Speakers Bureau -

Partnership with celebrities and entertainment figures

• Dads Info Van -

Traveling to parades and other public events to disseminate literature, raise awareness

• F.A.C.T. Blvd (Fathers And Children Together) -

In school initiative to involve Dads in their child's education, Dads/Kids + Technology

• Dads on Tour In partnership with Xando's and Zuzu's coffee bars

Dream Shot Foundations/Dads Do Make A Difference
Sampling of 1998/99 Accomplishments

Direct Services for Dads and Kids

• Roger Vann, father of five and two year DDMAD program participant, realizes his dream of owning his own home
• Over 800 parents, educators, students, Dads, and service providers participated in various DDMAD educational training programs, technical assistance and referral initiatives
• Approximately 3,000 Dads & Kids serviced annually by DDMAD programs and events in cooperation with other organizations
• Dads + Kids Night at the Connecticut Pride
• Dads + Kids Night at the Movies, offering monthly passes to pre-screenings
• Dads Night Out
• Dads + Kids Night at the Connecticut Wolves Game
• Dads + Kids Night at area sporting events
• Unveiling of the first official "FACT BLVD/ Dads BLVD" in city schools along with Mayor Lucien Pawlak, U. S. Deputy Assistant Undersecretary of Education W. Wilson Goode, Congresswoman Nancy Johnson, and Superintendent of Schools, James Rhinesmith.
• Training Sessions with "Dads", "Moms", and "Kids"
• Candid "Dads" interviews on tape
• Multi-Cultural Book Festival at Hartford Stage
• Dads + Kids Model Search, City of Hartford, for 1999 Dads + Kids Calendar
• Annual Dads and Kids Fun Run/Walk and Picnic in the Park

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